Template:Did you know nominations/AMAN (naval exercise)

AMAN (naval exercise)

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... that Pakistan Navy hosted 8th edition of military exercise AMAN-23 at Dockyard, Karachi with navy fleets of more than 50 nations? Source: [1]
- ALT1: ... that naval exercise with the theme Together for Peace were held in Karachi including 50 nations with ships, aircraft, marines teams and observers, hosted by Pakistan Navy? Source: [2]
- ALT2: ... that over 50 countries took part in the Pakistani naval exercise AMAN-23? Source: [3]
- Reviewed:

Created by M.Ashraf333 (talk). Self-nominated at 14:15, 21 February 2023 (UTC). Post-promotion hook changes for this nom will be logged at Template talk:Did you know nominations/AMAN (naval exercise); consider watching this nomination, if it is successful, until the hook appears on the Main Page.

General: Article is new enough and long enough
New Enough: Y Long Enough: Y

Policy: Article is sourced, neutral, and free of copyright problems
Adequate sourcing: Y Neutral: Y Free of copyright violations, plagiarism, and close paraphrasing: Y

Hook eligibility:

Cited: Y
Interesting: N - See below
Other problems: N - Grammar and focus issues; see below

QPQ: None required.

Overall: My first review. This submission is new enough, it's long enough, it's got good citations as far as I can tell—everything here seems good except for two issues with the hook. One, while it's kind of interesting, it's drawn out and focuses on what I feel is the wrong thing; two, the grammar isn't that good. I would rewrite this along the lines of "... that the navies of more than 50 nations took part in AMAN-23, a naval exercise in Pakistan?". That seems good enough: it's interesting (seeing 50 nations in one exercise is pretty eye-opening) and it fixes the grammar and focus issues. AdoTang (talk) 03:19, 24 February 2023 (UTC)

@M.Ashraf333 It's been over a week; tagging to ask that we discuss this.

Having read the guide, I've added my own ALT2 that's shorter and fixes the grammar issues. If you're okay with that one, let me know.

Also asking for a third opinion from anyone scrolling by, because this is my first review and I'm not sure if I'm doing everything right. AdoTang (talk) 12:41, 2 March 2023 (UTC)

@AdoTang, Thank you very much for your effort. Your ALT2 is good but it looks much less so in my recommendation, it would be better to use "... that the navies of more than 50 nations took part in AMAN-23, a naval exercise in Pakistan?" what you suggested in you last comment. M.Ashraf333 (talk)

Yeah, that works fine. So, if we've agreed on that, it should mean the issue is fixed, right? We should be good to go. AdoTang (talk) 14:13, 3 March 2023 (UTC)

Done. M.Ashraf333 (talk)

Okay. Seems good as far as I can tell. Just did some minor-ish cleanup I don't really want to bother you about, and added an image because the original one wasn't of AMAN. Hope this doesn't cause any issues; it was good regardless. Otherwise, this should be ready for DYK. AdoTang (talk) 01:51, 6 March 2023 (UTC)